I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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