I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
