so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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