He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
