I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
