When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
