I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
