she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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