There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
