I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
