using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
