i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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