You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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