i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
