Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
