what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize