We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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