I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
