i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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