you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
