I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
