Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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