Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize