what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
my liver is dry heaving
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
