drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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