I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
