so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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