Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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