we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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