I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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