the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
