FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
