why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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