I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
