My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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