my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
