He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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