Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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