On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
