rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
