Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
