So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize