Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
