Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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