atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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