dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
