I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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