i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
