sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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