this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
