I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
