you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
