I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
