THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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