My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
