Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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