you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
