What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
