I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
