Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
