Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
