I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
