You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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