return my video game
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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