Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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