why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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